Agony Aunt #4

The problems just keep on comin!
Dear Miss D,
My future mother-in-law is very awkward.  When her son and I were first courting (aged 34 and 37) she threw me out of the house.  This was because late one evening when she was in bed we were kissing on the sofa.  She regularly invites his ex round [...]

The Smart Girls’ Guide to Dating the Zodiac

With my many years of relationship experience combined with my incredible astrological insight and wisdom, I bring you my ultimate guide to dating every sign of the zodiac in the hope that I can at least save you from one more dating disaster. Forewarned is forearmed.
Aries
If you’re looking for a selfish, impatient, and angry bastard who [...]

Agony Aunt #2

Your problems are my business.

Dear Miss Demeanor,

I got engaged about 3 years ago.
We had moved in together two years ago and were happy, but circumstances regarding family issues and finances dictated that we move back in with our parents respectively. I got a job delivering Chinese food around my area, and [...]

Agony Aunt #1

Your problems are my business.
I’ve always wanted to be an Agony Aunt, mainly because I have a gift for giving really good advice and I believe it is my duty to share it. Therefore, I have scoured the Internets looking for someone with a problem. I found this:
Dear Miss Demeanor,

I hope you can help me, [...]

Misery Needs Technology

I just watched Misery again after many years and I couldn’t help thinking (as poor old Paul endured the psychotic wrath of his number one fan, Kathy Bates) that if someone had thought to invent the Internet a little earlier, none of this would have happened.
Poor old Paul had to drive through the snow to [...]

Angelology

In the olden days god appeared and spoke directly to people (Gn. 3:8, Ex. 12:1) often acting violently and punitively. Then the prophets came along and decided that god’s image needed a bit of PR if he was going to be respected as the head honcho and the boss of everyone. These geniuses of spin [...]

Sucks to be Farrah…

Poor old Farrah Fawcett. After a long and public battle with cancer and the release of a dramatic, last-rites-the-end-is-nigh-any-minute-now, I’m-on-my-deathbed photo only to have Michael Jackson steal her thunder at the final hour!
I wonder what would have happened if Princess Diana, Elvis and Michael Jackson all died on the same day. The Internet would explode. [...]

Top Ten Psychics Awards

I love psychics. They’re so entertaining. They’re also full of shit. So here, ranked not according to any real or imagined ability but rather for their incredible audacity to spout absolute bullshit, is the ultimate guide to People Who Are More Than Willing to Relieve You of Your Cash in Return for Nothing. They [...]

Spam From Heaven

The end is nigh! If it’s not today, it’ll be tomorrow. If it’s not tomorrow it might be next week. It could be three weeks from Monday. It could happen on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the equinox (i.e. Easter). But it’s gonna happen. It’s just a matter of when.
Fortunately there’s [...]

Kylie Kwong Got It Wong

TV Chef, Kylie Kwong, has revealed that her book, My China: A Feast for all the Senses, published in 2007, was actually a misprint and was never intended to be released as a mainstream Chinese cookbook. Speaking exclusively to Good Luck with All That, Kylie revealed that the book was originally intended to be titled [...]

Ted Comes Clean

Self-righteous cock gobbler, drug addict and hypocrite Ted Haggard has finally spoken out about the errors  of his ways in an upcoming doco on HBO. It’s been two years since Ted rode the Hershey Highway and lost  his job as head honcho of the Scariest Church Ever.
At first I thought that maybe it took Ted [...]

Tom Cruise Set to Play Lead in the Film of the Century

Hot News Direct from Hollywood:

Scientologist, couch-jockey, and all-round nut job Tom Cruise has revealed he will play the role of L.Ron Hubbard in the upcoming film The Thetan Keeps Repeatin’ which is based on the life and work of the founding father of the Church of Scientology.
“I’m just ectastic that this opportunity has been handed [...]

Bulgaria, Bulge Area

Bulgaria — home of the Cyrillic alphabet, the Gradeshnitsa Tablets, nine World Heritage sites, and this freak:

Meet Azis, Bulgaria’s foremost gender-bending folk pop singer and failed political candidate, who recently gained notoriety in the gay global arena for his expansion in the wedding tackle department.
Put simply, Azis is a big fat ponce with a huge [...]

Suffer Little Children…

The Morning After